The Blog: Aloha Thoughts.
By: Anelalani Livingston-Sturge (Office & Operations Manager, DreamHouse ‘Ewa Beach)
Aloha Mai Kākou.
Slowly some of my neighbors, friends and family have shared that they have lost or are losing their jobs because of the economic impact of CoVid-19. It wasn’t so long ago that my husband and I lost our jobs because of budget cuts. Being unemployed and unsure of my next step, weeks turned into months and I began to feel a growing frustration and lack. Itʻs wasn’t just a lack of money, but a feeling of emptiness and loss of purpose. I struggled finding ways to keep hopeful, motivated, and humble as I stumbled through updating my resume, interviews and what felt like an endless search for “something good”.
I’m pretty sure each of us personally knows at least two families being affected in this way. Some have begun the frustrating process of looking for new employment, while others are taking the time to re-evaluate what they really want and need. It doesn’t feel good as the State’s Unemployment System is backlogged and families have to wait for financial assistance. This requires greater patience and creativity as they do their best to keep food on the table, a roof over their head and their families together.
For me, it was a phone call from my Aunty - she called me to see how I was doing and what I was up to. I always knew that when this Aunty called, we were going to be on the phone for at least an hour and I loved that about her. As we kūka (discuss, converse, consult) about everything under the sun, she had a way of making me feel like a kid again as she reminded me in her kolohe (rascal) and firm way to be patient with myself and to figuratively get my “head out of my okole” and use my time wisely.
I know we all know at least one person that can call us out in their own “Aunty” way, yeah? Well, this was my Aunty ((smile)). After hanging up with her, I washed my face and busted out my journal to jot down her guidance and my thoughts to not forget them. I went to bed focused on the things I was grateful for and with that special feeling of “aloha” Aunty always left with me.
A couple thoughts came to mind as I think about my friends and family who are experiencing unemployment and how we are experiencing this pandemic together. Just a FYI, I like lists...lol. They help me feel organized and keep me on track, however, I rarely complete everything on my list(s) and I'm totally ok with that! That being said, I believe this short list is one we all have written in our hearts and minds. This is my (and maybe your) personal invitation to make a list with your ʻohana (family) to find simple and maybe creative ways to help others during this time. Iʻm not going to list everything we can do, rather just want to plant the seed of intention, and let it grow and allow us to create something adaptive and personal to our families.
Just Ask. Iʻm fortunate enough to live in a neighborhood that has a good mix of young families, single folks and Kūpuna (Senior Citizens). Itʻs a community where we mind our business and care for each other simultaneously. A really good, family-oriented community. Lately, I have been pretty focused on me and family… that I forgot to check in with my neighbors. As I spend time outside, we stop to chat (observing physical distancing of course), and I notice things they say or their demeanor that tells me there is a need. Simply put, if it feels good in your naʻau (gut) or heart, just ask. Saying “How can I help?” can go a long way, especially for those individuals who say they donʻt need help. When they say “no thank you”, our action of asking can help brighten their day. I canʻt tell you how many times people have offered me help when I didn’t need it, but it felt nice that they offered and they brightened my day. So if we are willing and able to help, just ask.
Share Aloha. Some of the ways “Aloha” is generically defined is: “love, hi, bye”. What Kanaka ʻŌiwi and many understand is there is power in our words. In 2004, I discovered Doctor Masaru Emoto’s book “The Hidden Message in Water”, where he explained how our words and intentions affect the molecular structure of water; and his study included both equally beautiful and disturbing images. My kids tripped out on the many pictures of his study and we enjoyed conversations about the power of words.
After a week or three of no communication dear friend texted me “Hey titah, thinking about you and hoping all is well. When you need me, I am here.” At that moment, her text filled a place in my heart that I didn’t know was vacant, and I thoughtfully responded in gratitude as we “text-chatted” for an hour. Kind gestures regardless of when they’re given will always be received. She shared aloha as her text breathed love into my heart. Express or extend kindness to others during this time, even if it's as simple as a nod or wave. While we have to practice PHYSICAL distancing, it doesn’t mean we have to act socially distant. We can still connect and extend and share aloha with others. How do you and your family share aloha?
Self-discovery. There have been moments, even days that I have escaped this societal pause and deferred to the world-wide-web or sleep. Maybe like my kids, this is me processing everything happening in our world right now. While finding a balance of how I spend my time or getting stuck in the social media abyss is challenging, “Sheltering in place” feels much like the extra time I had while being unemployed. I can still hear my Aunty tell me “get your head out of your okole and use this time to your advantage.”
What I did then, was what I am doing now . . . and that is to discover or learn more about myself. As I try new things or re-try old things Iʻm learning about myself, my husband and kids. We go through a gamut of feelings in a single day especially during this pandemic. Some things have been really nice, and other things have been kind of irritz, but hey. . . As we adjust ourselves, this extra time has become an opportunity of self-discovery. Have you made any adjustments to your routine, life or maybe beliefs? Have you been exercising, cooking, crafting or reading more? Maybe picked up a new hobby or found a new side gig? What have you discovered? Today I discovered how comfortable it is to stay in my PJʻs all day and how good water tastes as I make time to observe spiritual practices.
This “extra” time of nourishment and growth reminds me of a quote by Author Brene Brown who eloquently said:
“A deep sense of love and belonging is an irreducible need of all people.
We are biologically, cognitively, physically, and spiritually wired to love, to be loved, and to belong.
When those needs are not met, we don’t function as we were meant to.
We break. We fall apart. We numb. We ache. We hurt others. We get sick.”
As we shelter in place to stay physically well, let us practice sharing aloha while each of us travel the road of self-discovery. Help each other to be well spiritually, physically and cognitively in our communities and our homes. Be good to each other. Be good to yourself. Mahalo for your presence. If you would like to share any links, experiences, ideas, etc, please do so in the comment section below. I would love to hear from you. Mālama Pono and Aloha Nō.
XOX Coach Anela
anelalanils@dreamhouseewabeach.org